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运维吐槽凌晨抢修PHP服务器
一运维吐槽凌晨6:12被叫去修补PHP服务器，发现资产清单与实际严重不符，服务器名PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOU。
要点
- 安全部门在早上 6:12 打电话给 @IT_unhinged，要求立即修补所有 PHP 服务器，原因是两个可远程执行代码、无需认证的严重漏洞。
- 清单上列了 12 台 PHP 服务器，但实际情况包括一台跑 WordPress、三台跑旧内部工具、一台在某人桌子底下、两台在厂商设备里、一个 2016 年被遗忘的员工目录，以及一台名为 PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH、跑工资导出任务的服务器。
- 一台 PHP 5.6 机器的文档把负责人写成 BRIAN，Brian 2019 年就离职了，被打电话时他说“哦哇，那玩意儿还在跑？”
- 9:17 有人建议暂时把有漏洞的网站下线，市场部以“我们的活动正在上线”为由拒绝，接下来一小时公司正式决定保住一个 20% 折扣网络研讨会注册落地页，而不是防止服务器被远程接管。
要点和反应摘要由 AI 依据本页推文整理，请以原推为准。 我们怎么用 AI
原推
Security called me at 6:12 AM today.
"Patch every PHP server immediately."
I asked what happened.
"Two critical vulnerabilities. Remote code execution. No authentication required."
Cool.
How many PHP servers do we have?
According to inventory: 12
According to reality:
Nobody knows.
We found one running WordPress.
Three running old internal tools.
One under someone's desk.
Two inside vendor appliances.
A forgotten employee directory from 2016.
And a server named:
PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH
Naturally, that one runs payroll exports.
Then we found a PHP 5.6 box.
I asked who owned it.
The documentation said:
BRIAN.
Brian left in 2019.
We called Brian.
He said:
"Oh wow, that's still running?"
Excellent.
By 8 AM, leadership joined the incident call.
CEO:
"Can hackers actually get in?"
Security:
"Potentially yes."
CEO:
"Without a password?"
Security:
"Yes."
CEO:
"Then why do WE need passwords?"
Not the lesson.
Finance asked if we could wait until the weekend to patch because downtime affects revenue.
Security explained that the alternative was letting strangers execute code on our servers.
Finance asked for a cost comparison.
At 9:17, someone suggested temporarily taking the vulnerable websites offline.
Marketing refused.
"Our campaign is live."
So for the next hour, the company officially decided maintaining a landing page for 20% off webinar registration was more important than preventing remote server takeover.
We finally patched everything we could find.
Then our scanner discovered another PHP server.
Hostname:
TEMP-PHP-2014
Uptime:
4,512 days.
Nobody knows what it does.
Nobody owns it.
Nobody can shut it down.
But every time we block network access, the warehouse stops printing shipping labels.
Security has classified it as critical infrastructure.
It is running PHP 5.4.
The vulnerability has existed longer than half our employees.
The emergency patch took four hours.
Finding out what PHP actually runs took eleven.
The internet isn't held together with code.
It's held together with servers everyone is afraid to turn off.
X 上的热门回复
X 上的反应： 回复基本把这件事当成对职场乱象的黑色幽默式印证。有人补充了自己的例子，比如 TEMP-PHP-2014 不能关，一关仓库就不打印发货标签了；还有人感叹多数公司都是靠胶带和祈祷撑着，因为高层从来不想更新任何东西。
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